The wheels have been spinning in my head ever since getting back to Sioux Falls from Christikon: What am I to do now? Where am I to be? What are the years before I turn 30 going to look like (the thought of that age seems so much closer than it did even a year ago)? These questions have weighed down on me for the past few months, and my emotions and thoughts have been all over, per usual.
Upon first returning home, I felt solid. Not that I had any idea of what I was going to do, but I felt ready to be settled somewhere, at least for awhile (but what does that mean?). The allure of jumping from one place to another had largely faded, and finding social, geographical, and job stability seemed so attractive. I was ready to grab onto anything that presented itself. Through the course of the summer, one application after another had been discarded. Maybe not so much discarded as most likely not even looked at. A blessing in disguise, maybe. When it came right down to it, did I really want to feel "settled" with any of these jobs?
What had happened to the idea of planning for my future during the course of travel? Maybe I was so wrapped up in the experience I was having that post-adventure didn't matter all that much. I had been living for the moments I was experiencing...the experience of a lifetime, accord to many whom I talked to. And yet, I had been thinking about it. Jon and I would talk about it on the trail in Turkey, and Tezra and I would guess at what the future might hold on our long bus rides across Latin American borders. Where had the ideas from these conversations escaped to?
That desire for stability has largely faded. What was a feeling of sure desire for a job with the library when I applied in early September had faded to trepidation about my desire to work anywhere long term just six weeks later. Sitting at the coffee shop collecting my thoughts pre-interview left me wondering what I would say if actually offered the job. It came almost as a relief to not have to make that choice when the position wasn't offered.
As I sit and brainstorm what my future holds, I have come to several conclusions. To start with, I can't escape this philosophy that my 20's are meant to be a time of travel, learning, and self-discovery. So, I'm going to continue to embrace it! There are hundreds of options out there for those who want to see, or continue to see, the world and all it has to offer. Next time I go, it will be in a context which sustains itself. A long-term volunteer or work opportunity perhaps. This desire has led me to my next realization: finishing paying off my debt needs to become my priority right now. The coming months will most likely be as if stepping back in time two years. I'm again living at home (which I said I didn't want to do) and looking forward to May. But then summer will come, and I will find myself back in the mountains with many opportunities in front of me. And I'm feeling really good about where I am at right now! The payoff will be huge, and my life is filling up with projects I want to accomplish and things I want to learn about. I'm looking forward to this next part of life.
